This Isn't Love
by Inuobsessed004
Summary: You aren't a person. You're a possession.  You can't think for yourself. I think for you. Don't look at him. Look at me.  If I can't have you… no one can.  Abuse fic.  Onesided  Xemsai, SaiDem
1. This Isn't Love

Warning: Violence and abuse, don't like don't read.

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This Isn't Love

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I started to wonder if this was what love was supposed to be.

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Everyone was normal until you came.

You could say you were the catalyst.

You sparked a chain of events I'll never forget.

I don't blame you.

I don't hate you.

I don't love you.

We don't have hearts to love.

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The day you walked into my life, the abuse started.

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	2. …this is Craftsmanship

A/N: WARNING: RAPE/ABUSE, do not read if you don't like

Stream of consciousness writing

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This Isn't Love….

…..this is Craftsmanship.

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Is it so hard to believe that I started out like you?

Beautiful and naïve.

Young and hopeful, playful even.

It is said that pure things are easily tainted.

Maybe it should be said that cruel things are hard to get rid of.

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I was accepted in quite nicely. I did not know how bad things could be, I was like a small piece of wood, I was smooth and clean. I needed to be shaped, I needed a goal, and I needed someone to mold me.

He smiled at me on my first day. I felt his hand fit into the small of my back and the heat rise in my cheeks. He gave me these earrings, claiming I was as beautiful as the Moon, more even. I was weak towards flattery and I swooned like a little girl.

He purred in my ear with that voice. That voice that reminds me now of liquid sex. I smiled at him always, never hindering a single moment. I became his shadow, his arms, his legs, his eyes, his body and his soul. I became the heart he lost. I became everything and anything I needed to be.

He was such a good carpenter.

I counted my blessings daily, I slept with a smile on my face, tears of joy in my eyes that should never have existed. I hugged my pillow close in anticipation to hear his voice outside my door. To feel his fingers gliding across my chin, to feel him stroking my ears, running a hand through my hair.

I adored him, with all the missing parts. The rejected organ, the rejected feelings, but somehow they returned. Could we feel love? I thought then that it was possible and so did he, or I assumed.

He smiled at me, coaxing me up onto the Altar. I followed like the obsessed fool I was. He waved his hand over the large expanse of the world and claimed it as his. Then he claimed me as well.

I was unknown to all things concerning the mature parts of love. I found out what lust was quick enough and I actively followed it. We entered his bed nightly; it became a routine I looked forward to every waking moment. I could not stop thinking when I would get to run my fingers through his hair and kiss his face. To lick his lips and taste his essence. To become one and feel complete.

Lea showed up not too long after.

I became ecstatic, telling him how my long-lost friend was back. We would have so much to share together; everything would be wonderful, we would all be happy. I was foolish…I was dumb…I was still being formed, he had only begun to shape me.

Lea hugged me and tugged me along behind him. Lea demanded I tell him everything and I show him all the great places. Lea wanted me to explain what had happened, where we were and why. He wanted to kindle our friendship.

He smiled at Lea and gave him a name; he watched us together and watched us leave to Lea's room. He watched me hug Lea; he watched Lea give me an affectionate nuzzle like old times.

Lea grinned at me when the day was over and closed the door behind him. I traveled up to his room, eagerly awaiting my reward for the day and a chance to discuss things about Lea with him privately. I opened the door and stepped through.

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He shut the door quietly behind me, his eyes burning with a look of pure hate.

I was slammed into the wall roughly, his arms were around my throat and I clawed at his hands, tears springing to my eyes.

"You worthless whore. You worthless thing. What is he to you? What did you do together?"

I could not breathe, I tried to and failed. I looked at him helplessly, sobbing uncontrollably. He dropped me for a moment and then his fist collided with my gut. I coughed up blood, I couldn't scream, I couldn't think.

The word 'why' darted in and out of my mind as I trembled. My vision clouded and I realized in horror my body was going berserk to defend myself. I cried out as my vision faded to red.

I smelled something.

I would not be able to describe it.

It was probably searing flesh.

It was probably my soul dying along with it.

I opened my eyes to see him, his face was clawed, and it was dripping blood. My chest hurt. Was I pained seeing him in agony?

No.

Maybe it was the ethereal blade in my chest?

I screamed, bucking desperately against him as he dug his nails into my hips, he let out a maddened cry as he dove on me. He bit my collarbone and then my nipple. He held on until the skin turned purple and gushed blood, my body tried to fight it but he had killed the beast.

It would not save me.

He had tamed it.

He had claimed it.

He had beat it back into a cage.

He had murdered it.

He tore off my pants and parted my legs, my sobs were choked back and fear took over. I struggled vainly, knowing somewhere that something bad was going to happen. He snarled at me and hit my hips in such a way my leg snapped in a strange direction.

I did not have time to notice that.

He shoved a finger inside me and scraped the nail against my insides, I wailed, crying out for help that would not come. Did the Apprentices even care?

It caused me to bleed further, the wound open and festering, burning and throbbing. His other finger soon joined as he clawed at both sides simultaneously. I continued screaming and he plunged himself in soon after. The thrusts were merciless and he scratched down my sides as further punishment.

With each thrust the wounds spread and ripped.

With each thrust he chipped me, little by little.

He was such a good carpenter.

He came inside me and pulled out. I desperately tried to crawl away, having lost my voice halfway through. He smirked at me and grabbed my bad leg, causing an agonizing pain to shoot through my body and I went limp, shaking horribly.

He looked over towards one edge of his room and I saw Lunatic imbedded in the ground.

I did not understand as he yanked it out of the ground and approached me.

"You ruin my face, I ruin yours. You do not deserve to live but I'll be gracious. I'll spare you for now."

He leaned over me and Lunatic gleamed in the moonlight.

He grabbed my arm and shoved me back down.

"Now people will know who you belong to and so will you."

I felt my eyes widen in a weird realization as he held my head against the ground, my arms flailed weakly in a vain attempt to knock Lunatic away.

He carved one-half of the X into my face.

"Hold still, or I might cut out your eyes by accident and that'd be a pity."

I gagged as blood clouded my vision and the second half was carved in.

My body fell limp as he moved away, tossing the weapon aside and portalling me to my room in the moonlight.

"Don't look at him again."

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I stopped talking to Lea.

Lea never asked what happened.

Lea claimed I changed.

Lea didn't understand.

I was being crafted.

I couldn't help what was happening.

The hands were controlling me.

The hands became me.

He made me.

He was such a good carpenter.

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	3. this is Art

This Isn't Love….

…this is Art

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There was a point in my life where I wish I had just faded and become a dusk…..

He couldn't harm a dusk could he?

* * *

Then you can into my life and I knew everything was going to get worse

* * *

He was painting a new world for himself with me as his queen. Lea had stopped looking at me and asking why my face had been scarred and how everything had happened. The Apprentices must have told him what was going on and who was master of this castle.

Everything went like clockwork from then on, I'd wake up and eat, making sure to stroke or blow him under the table when necessary and then issue missions. After that I would go back to my room and gag myself, bend over the bed and wait for him. Once I was bleeding to the point of becoming woozy I was allowed to sleep until dinner then I was required to attend it and act like I was sitting normally. Keeping a straight face I would arrive second to the meeting and then give him a lap dance afterwards, followed by me scrubbing him down in the bathtub and sleeping on the foot of the bed like a dog.

The next morning was different however, I woke up and was firmly kicked off the bed, watching Xemnas tug on sleep pants and run from the room. Wondering whether I was allowed to leave or not, I finally gathered up the remaining courage to follow him out and into the Grey Area. The other members were gathered around a crumbled body. Xemnas looked over his shoulder and motioned to the body, "Take this somewhere."

Nodding to him I lifted up the body and carried it to a newly appearing room marked Number IX, opening the door and shutting it behind me. I smiled softly when a hand gripped my hair and ran through it, sea foam eyes opening to look back at me curiously, "Who're…you?"

I didn't answer at first, rendered speechless and the angelic smile and kitten-like appearance of the newest member, "…Number VII."

I set him on the body and moved away, turning to leave the room before _he_ could get suspicious once more, "….Your eyes are so sad."

I looked over my shoulder, "They can't be sad, we don't gave hearts to be sad."

I turned the corner after shutting the door and was met by a gloved fist as it crashed into my face and sent me sprawling on the ground, looking up I managed a whimper as the tan man hovered over me, "Now the new one hmm? Let's put it this way, you show interest –I'll show interest. And if I show interest, then that boy will wish he was never born."

I bowed my head and nodded silently, waiting for him to leave me and relief passing over me as the sounds of his heels echoed off the walls. He was such an artist, he knew exactly how to paint me and sketch outside the lines in order to fulfill his own perfect portrait.

But as with anything in art, I found out the artist had a way of blending pictures together to make it his own. He was especially fond of violent images as he continued to torture me in unseen locations. What he didn't count on was how a musician managed to avoid the art and create his own scene.

* * *

I was passing out missions when Demyx approached me, grinning as always no matter how stoic my expression or how cruel I tried to be in order to keep him safe and far away from me, "Your mission IX."

His arm reached out to grab the mission and accidently grazed my wrist, I yelped and dropped the paper, my other hand cradling the wrist and the marks hidden by my long cloak. Concerned like no one else in that castle he gently grabbed my arm and pulled up the sleeve, gasping at the multitude and rainbow of bruises adorning the flesh, "…Saix who is doing this to you?"

I looked off to the side, "That's none of your business, go away IX." I marched back to my room, trying to avoid the sound of running footsteps tailing me back to my room.

A comforting hand on my shoulder, "I can help, really."


	4. New Chapter

I'm sorry I faked you out with a new chapter, yes it was a lie but I needed to avoid being on the radar of certain people.

Update:

Due to the recent fanfiction purging of M-rated and reported fanfictions, I have no doubt that I will be among the thousands of writers who will have their stories deleted or find themselves banned without notice.

* * *

**You all are important to me, I love your reviews and ideas and I like that you all followed my development as a writer. ** I hope to continue this:

I can be found on Tumblr under the username: the-indeed-that-never-was

I can be found on DeviantArt under the username: firepokemonluva

Please follow me onto those sites and continue to support me in my endeavor to keep the fandoms alive if I do get deleted. To my favorite authors: Please _save your stories now_ and continue posting, this censorship should not be tolerated by a group of people that can simply hit the backbutton. I will try to get onto AO3 if I can, if someone has an invite they are willing to part with, I would be grateful. Or if someone knows another site, that would be good too.

If someone could also PM all members of the Xemsai community, KH fandom, IY fandom, YGO fandom and so on with this warning, I would really appreciate it.

Sincerely,

The kicked but never beaten Superior.

Long live the smut.

(I'm sorry for the hundred emails you might have gotten)


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